SELF-EMPOWERMENT: THE WINNING EDGE IN RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE
Success and failure are two great tailors whose attires are made to order and are fits for anyone who so desire to have them. ~A.O.Adebumiti
One package God gave to man with a "do or undo" function is CHOICE.
Failure or success in relationship always comes with a choice for everyone. Choice is the magic wand to direct our paths and help navigate us through all ambitions. No one ever has the capacity of going about the dealings of life without Mr Choice's consultation. So when you want something, you choose.
No matter what you want in life and relationship, you have the capacity to choose like you do for "point and kill" fish.
You want a glorious relationship? The choice is yours.
NOW A PIECE OF EMPOWERMENT: CHARACTER...
Character is the distinguishing features and qualities of a person compared to others.
Character is who you are -your true self- and it can easily be seen from your action. It is absolutely behavioural.
Character, they say, is like a smoke: so difficult to hide. So it's just a matter of time before it shows.
Character can be learnt or inherited.
An Idiom goes thus: "The apple does not fall far from the tree." And it means "A child usually behaves in a similar way to his or her parent(s)"
The fact then remains that Higher percentage of character traits is gotten from our immediate environments.
WHAT DOES GOOD CHARACTER LOOKS LIKE?
"GETTING DOWN FROM YOUR CAMEL"
"And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she got down from the camel" (Gen 24:64)
So many ladies and guys alike are far from the track of humility. So proud that they want their shadows to bow for them while they are standing.
If you read the previous verses of that chapter, you would discover that Rebekah had everything for her to stay on the camel, but like the bible says, the husband is the head of the family.
Just because you have somewhat more than your partner does not make you stay taller than him. You went to a university, came from a rich family and he is not, is not enough reason to make you stand up taller than him. So get down from your camel...
A PORTION FOR THE GUYS
So many guys have lost their wives in the hand of boyfriend / girlfriend relationship. Just because you are a guy does not make you a dictatorship. It is called a relation-ship. You relate.
If good Character traits are then missing in your life, no matter how much of love you input into the relationship, someday, you will lose it to break-up.
Sometimes when there is character defect, instead of finding a way of building that up, we tend to cover it up with money and sex. Just someday, it will come up again where money and sex are going to be silenced. Of course you know you can't take a tin of milk or cup of juice in place of water if you are thirsty. If you don't have good character traits people would have been telling you, so it's wise from your part to learn it. Learn Character-building.
"Your thoughts become actions
Your actions become habits
Your habits becomes Character
Your Character becomes your Destiny."
PAYING THE PRICE
The man who hates the place of preparation cum training is blindly building the bravery to wear the armour of perpetual defeat. ~A.O.A
A farmer going to the farm without the farm tools, and does not have any in the farm, should be considered an insane fellow.
There is no limit to the rate at which one needs to empower oneself before going for a relationship. When you empower yourself, you are able to face the hurdles. No relationship is bed of roses anyway, so the need to meet challenges must be a default choice.
WHAT ARE THE TOOLS?
Character, Integrity, Trust, Persistence, Responsibility, Commitment, Humility, Patience, Maturity in handling matters, *LOVE,* discipline, emotional stability, money management, and the list goes on.
HOW DO I PAY THE PRICE?
"Rice is sweet indeed, they say, if gotten at a price" and "with every prize comes a price"
When the Servant that was sent to bring Rebekah home met her, having prayed that God would make the one to be the wife, a kind woman who would give him water and also for his camels, he couldn't believe his eyes for what he saw.
A thirsty Camel has the capacity of drinking up to 200litres of water a day. Now coming from a far distance, would definitely mean that all the "ten camels the servant brought were thirsty." Imagine how many hours it would take her to fetch for all the camels with a pitcher, as the Scripture has it that the camels finished drinking. (See Gen 24:18-22)
The fact remains, she paid the price to get her name into that family.
A lazy lady cannot do that. It only takes an INDUSTRIOUS lady to do that.
There indeed the process of "pitcher filling for camels" in every relationship. Every guy should then test that value in every lady. If a lady is lazy, I beg don't go for her. If you do, you will regret it.
Read about a virtuous woman in Proverbs 31.
A man shouldn't be lazy either. One of our family friends got married recently and she discovered the husband does not know how to boil egg.
Someone like me, I promised myself no lady would tell me how to do this and that. Cooking? I do it well. Washing? I never gave my wears to anyone to wash since I could do them myself. What else? House Chores? I can do all that....
*Pls no more vacancy. lol*
WAIT FOR HER
So many guys can not wait for the ones they love. Many of them, out of peer pressure, have lost the chance to meet their Rachel as they have ended it up with the Sexmaniac Leah.
"Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had for her."
"REAL MEN, MEN OF PURPOSE WOULD WAIT FOR THE LADY THEY LOVE" It's only purposeless men that "dog" it. They are the ones that can't wait for the right time to have sex. (LADIES, YOU HAVE HEARD THIS BEFORE RIGHT?)
When it was time to give her the wife, she was given the older sister according to custom. All night, Leah made sure she satisfied him that he cared not to look at her face. Honey moon with the wrong bride!
He woke up in the morning only for him to see someone else. So I slept with you? This is unfair and bla bla bla. (Gen 29:18-29) Then he chose to serve another seven years to get the woman of his dream.
A defeated man would have said, okay then, I give up. At least she was good on bed. So what's the point!
Jacob did not do that. He knew relationship and marriage is not bred on sex but fulfilment. That's where we always goof it.
...THIS IS WHERE PRIORITY IN RELATIONSHIP SETS IN
Priority setting in relationship should not be a negotiable factor in every sense. It should be the predominance factor for every relationship. Priority asks, "What do I really want in a relationship?" Like Jacob, sex should not be the top priority but FULFILMENT.
Every relationship must be centred on the God factor which is FULFILMENT.
When you let fulfilment guides your priority in relationship, you will know what and what should be done.
WHAT ABOUT THIS FULFILMENT?
Adam was in the garden working. He was doing some things wrong as God was watching. God looked at him and said "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him" (Gen 2:18)
It is called a helper suitable. A suitable helper is the helper that has a need to meet. Fulfilment of purpose is a thing God couldn't rub off Adam's life. God saw he could not do it alone so he needed someone to help.
Without doubt, everyone has a purpose to fulfil on this planet earth and there should be the need to get someone that will be fit for the fulfilment factor. Like Adam couldn't do it alone, so you can't do it alone.
THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT
In every success garden in life, lies a forbidden fruit. Quarrel, Disagreement, Pre-marital sex, break-ups, two-timing(two time is what you call double date), are all forbidden fruits that every relationship must run for.
It is the duty of the two partners to keep the relationship going. It's never a one man job.
And when you marry wrongly, you are going to eat the forbidden fruit someday.
WHAT WAS LACKING IN EVE AND ADAM'S LIVES?
Character disorder! They went out of the bracket of fulfilment. They were misguided.
*If you hear, kiss, money, beauty and sex do not keep a relationship, this is what I meant*
I hope you understand a bit now...
And as it is now, the ball is in your court, so choose well.
What a wonderful day to have you here.
Can we smile together now?
By Adegoke Olalekan Adebumiti