AKPORS NEW RELEASE RIB-CRACKER JOKES

AKPORS THE SMART BOY
Teacher: Akpos, explain this statement: The President on glasses, talks about Vision 2020.
Akpors: Simple question. Sir, When you need Clearer Vision or the sun is too high, you wear glasses right? And some wear recommended or for fashion sake right?
Teacher: Hmmm. Brilliant boy. So what's the explanation.
Akpors: Yoruba Says "To be fore-warned is to be fore-harmed." What the President is doing is simple.
1. It's either he cannot see the vision again. That the vision is blurred.
2. Or He is just making us to know that the vision 2020 is just for show- for fashion.
3. Or He is telling us the vision is too big for him to handle, so he needs re-adjustment.
4. Or He is telling us we need some recommended means to get to the vision.
Teacher: You will have to go and explain this in Aso Rock. Interesting.

AKPORS THE BAD BIBLE INTERPRETER
Bible Study Teacher: (After bible study) Akpors would you tell us why Christians are poor today? And pls support your answer with a bible verse.
Akpors: Teacher, Open your bible to "Psalm 91:7." and read it aloud.
{TEACHER OPENS HIS BIBLE AND READS}
Teacher: "A thousand shall fall at my side, and ten thousand at my right hand; but it shall not come near me."
Akpors: Good. You even personalised it. You used "Me" instead of "You" that is written there. One thousand at their side and 10thousand at their right side and it shall not come near them right?
Teacher: Yes. But how does that correlate with what we are discussing?
{AKPORS LOOKING AT THE TEACHER FROM HEAD TO TOE}
Akpors: Teacher, pls tell me how many times you read this in a year.
{TEACHER BOASTS AS HE PACES UP AND DOWN}
Teacher: In the morning before I go out and at night before I sleep.
Akpors: Kai! No wonder.
Teacher: No wonder what?
Akpors: No wonder you are like this now! Wait... Do you like my dressing?
Teacher: Yes, it's nice. But I don't seem to understand what you are saying.
Akpors: You will understand very soon. The money I used to get everything on me was the Pastor's money that dropped from him and I picked.
Teacher: Akpos, that Is theft.
Akpors: It is not theft but fulfilment of prophecy. Answer this and you will understand me now. What did the bible say concerning the wealth of the wicked?
Teacher: That the Christians will eat their wealth, indeed.
Akpors: Good. Now what is reward of labour?
{TEACHER IS CONFUSED ALREADY} Teacher: Reward could be the gain for sales. It could mean...{AKPORS CUTS IN}
Akpors: That's the one I need. Now, read verse 8.
Teacher: "But with my eyes shall I behold and see the reward of the wicked"
Akpors: You see now? When a thousand fall at your side and 10 thousand at your right hand and you are looking at it just like that, instead of you to pick it, won't you be poor?
{TEACHER TRIES TO STOP HIM BUT HE SAYS "Wait now!" AND HE CONTINUES}
If the 1000 are the 10,000 are dollar notes, don't you know how much you have missed? The pastor is one of the wicked, so I picked his reward. Fulfilment of prophecy- that's it.
{TEACHER NOW LAUGHING}
Teacher: Akpors, na wa o. So the "thousand" and "ten thousand" is money to you right?
Akpors: What else could it be if not money?
{EVERYBODY NOW UNDERSTANDS AND THEY LAUGH}
Teacher: Akpors, the bible is not talking about money, but evil things. So get it.
{AKPORS FROWNING}
Akpors: You can't change my mind, that's "Akpors New Swag" Translation.
{FACING THE SUNDAY SCHOOL STUDENTS}
Akpors: Why are you all laughing? In fact I am not coming to this church again.
{AKPORS LEAVES THE CHURCH}

Moral: Make Sure you understand the Scripture very well and don't just open your mouth to say what you don't know.

AKPORS THE NEW COMER
{TEACHER COMES INTO THE CLASS AND EVERYBODY GREETS}
Teacher: Sit down. By the way who is bearing Akpors?
{EVERYBODY LOOKS AT HIS SIDE BUT NOBODY WANTS TO TALK BECAUSE OF HIS BULLYING STATURE, THEN THE TEACHER ASKS AGAIN}
Teacher: I said who is Bearing Akpors in this class?
{EVERYBODY STARTS USING THEIR MOUTH TO POINT TOWARDS AKPORS DIRECTION AND THE TEACHER GETS IT}
Teacher: You... (Pointing at Akpors) ...what is your Name?
Akpos: My "lame" is Nwoprokogeneuwem Akpors.
Teacher: But I asked "Who is bearing Akpors?": is not that me I "undlastand" just that you "putted" "Bearing" for inside my "lame!"
Teacher: I don't understand you Akpors. Explain
Akpors: you say Who is "Bearing Akpors" and my Surname is not "Bearing"
{THE STUDENT DARE NOT LAUGH EXCEPT THE TEACHER}
Teacher: Interesting. I am sorry for that, Akpors. You can now sit down.

By Adegoke Olalekan Adebumiti