ARE YOU SINGLE AND SEARCHING?

THE FLASH BACK
(Pls keep my Secret Oh! I'm only telling you-only you).
I could remember vividly those days I was dying to have a girlfriend. Everyone was having a partner, even those I call small boys. I was very brilliant, and still I am, not too handsome but was whole as a man -of course I still am. Not too short and not too tall: that's what you call average height right? I know what I wanted but how to get it seemed love-mission impossible.

THE CUSTOM
I guess I never told you about my street's dating custom.
Should I? Okay. I used to live in a street where the custom of you having a girlfriend is: "You do the Searching, like you do "point and kill," inform your brothers about the mission, get their "we got you covered" approval, go do the "asking out" (sorry, you call it toasting) and then leave the rest for them- at least you have tried your best.

YOU PROPOSE AND THEY DISPOSE
You don't just start and complete the whole process all by yourself; you'll have to consult elders. Because the race is not to the swift... And as long as the mission is not completed, you remain loyal to them- you make a mistake, you forget about the lady!

THE PROCESS
You start by telling her the little truth about yourself and your superiors would do the finishing by loading her with lies of what you are not and might never become- a myth the ladies were used to. I respected their lies but I never fell for it; I loved being plain- maybe that was one of the reasons I never got any "chick."
I'm sure they still hold such customs now.

MY STAND
Just as if I knew the kind of Person I would become, I never wanted to go for the cheap ones or do what we call "dirty runs."
This is what I used to do: I would look round the town in search for the best. Once I got one, we would start on the primary love-election note, then the main love-voting with many re-runs, but I never got a lasting one...

(You this phone would you pls stop hanging? Can't you see people want to learn; Stop it!)
"I'm so sorry for the mosquito bite," now let's continue.

MY LOVE LIFE
I remembered I had a girlfriend sometime in December 2002 and the relationship lasted for two months. (Why are you laughing now?) I thought I had her until one the day I bought a greeting card to give and she rejected it. She told me through my friend(Wale) that she was no more interested. See me oh! The reason for that, till today, I did not know.

BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED
I got a lady, "Seun" and I invited her to a friend's house then told her about my "Love-Mission Possible" for her. As usual, she smiled and told me she was not interested, then she left.
Good, I just took the great step!

THE BID
I got home to discuss it with one of my half-brothers and he promised to vote me into her heart, even if it would cost him "love-rigging." My heart leaped for joy as I paid my homage.

THE PRICE
After some days, he requested for a bottle of beer (Star lager) to at least make his moral high, and I promised I was going to give him on the condition that he finished what he started...

BUT THE UNEXPECTED HAPPENED
I asked a female friend to invite Seun over to our house one afternoon and she came. Have you ever been in the examination hall waiting for the arrival of the question paper for the course you did not prepare well for? My heartbeat matched such situation.

THE SECRET
I asked my half-brother, who happened to be the love-polling agent to talk to her on my behalf and I was so glad as they entered a room together, talking.
Now I was waiting in the other room like a man whose wife is having her first delivery.
They talked and talked and she left.

THE DEFEAT
Something is missing? Oh...
Okay ...she left, only for me to hear later that my half-brother was actually supporting another love-party which was himself. He was just going to win a love-election he never campaigned for!
He got the lady confused and that was what ended it. I never got the chance for a second-term.

THE REPLAY
The same thing happened again. I remembered the same brother did same thing with another lady called Sola. I invited her to a cousin's place then he met her and spoilt the show. And It happened again the third time with the same brother.

NOW MY BID FOR A LASTING SOLUTION
(Warning: Spiritually Weird and Dangerous; Don't try this at home!)
There was this herbalist my late dad used to send me to. I was so troubled that I went to him for a solution. (You are saying You? Yes, me!) I wanted to know why I was surrounded by such anti-love supporters.
When I got to the man, I told him how I've been losing to the "love-opposition" party ever since and he asked me to be calm as he consulted his oracle.

He gave me the "Opele" (a chain of round, oval-shaped small pieces of wood stringed together) and asked me to say some words to it. I did that and handed it over to him.
I watched closely as he did the "front, back, right and left" incantation with it. Within few minutes, the result was to be announced.

THE VERDICT
I adjusted myself as I listened keenly to the verdict.
"My Son," He said "it is not yet time for you to have them. When the time comes they will come around. And now, you could go and buy a smoked catfish to pray..."
"Thank you baba," I replied and then I left.
I got home and I never bought any catfish because I got the answer I wanted. I thought I would only fast-forward the time, if I should use the catfish as he directed.

DID YOU READ THAT?
He said it is not yet time, that when the time comes they will come around me. And I guess the time is now. Chuckles.

AND YOU?
Have you tried so many times to have that relationship and it's like you're under a spell? God has a better plan for you, so "Wait" He says. Remember, God's time is the best!

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, (Maritally, Spiritually, financially, even Career wise), says the LORD, thoughts of Peace, and not of evil, to GIVE you an expected end. (Even an expected love end).

Are you yielding to peer pressure already? Just wait, wait and wait and in due time-at His own time- He will fix you up.

"Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled: but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." (Hebrews 13:4).
God bless you as you stay undefiled.

By Adegoke Olalekan Adebumiti